"You are amazing; don't just immediately deny it, think it over and you'll realise. Take a step back for a day, and try to make every person you talk to smile. It's not so hard. A sincere 'please/thankyu' to the shop assistant, a pleasant smile and 'hello' to the old man you pass on the empty street, a shoulder to cry on for yur friend and a whisper of 'it'll be okay, we'll make it okay'. You can spread happiness through the lives you touch, just by being you.
You are amazing. Never forget that."
"I thought I loved him; I still think I did.
Not in the cliche teenage-infatuation way.
At the time I was with him, I was dealing with cutting and eating issues; my friends and family had totally stopped supporting me becus of it. But he was always there; he was my reason to be. I got up in the morning, chose life, for him.
I knew he was struggling with a depression of sorts. But I didn't realise how much he was struggling, how much he needed help. Help I couldn't give him. He chose to take his life.
It's been sixteen months now.
At first, I was beyond devastated. I was going through the motions of my life, but it held no meaning for me anymore. I didn't take my life, because I didn't want anyone to hurt like this for me. Just in case my parents did really love me, though they couldn't show it.
So in those few months of emptiness, I came to a realisation; he'd still want me to live my life. I decided I'd try my best to move on, and make myself a new life. I wouldn't want anyone to waste their lives grieving for me, so I assumed he loved me enough to want that for me.
I started at a new college last September, and it definitely helped further my recovery. Starting in a new environment, I discovered my self-worth. People here saw me as a pretty, nice, smart girl; I could shed the awful reputation of depressed social reject that I'd gained in school. I started to form new relationships, and a new busy schedule helped my recovery. In december, I found a new boy. We started out friends, and he was really sweet. He made me feel secure, special, happy - I hadn't felt truly happy since I'd lost him. And now someone new had brought back reason to my life.
I'll always have scars from losing him. I loved him; giving someone that much of yourself, and losing them so completely leaves it's mark. But I'm much healthier, happier now. I still have times when something reminds me of him, and I'll break down. Just today, with my 'new boy', he reminded me so much of him and I cried. He asked, and I told him. I then saw how awful that made him feel - that he couldn't rid me of that pain, couldn't heal the scars completely, that I might not be able to love him like I did the other. That's when I realised; I could love this new boy. He could be the one to heal me.
So, to anyone in that situation? Don't freak; it really will heal with time. There will be someone else. Let yourself grieve, and know you'll always have a place for them in your heart. But one day, soon, you'll learn to live your life again. And it will be so much more amazing for the pain you've survived. xx"
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